I am holed up in an empty dorm room. It is quiet except for the train that passes just outside the window every 20 minutes. There is plenty of food and water and it is warm, but I still feel uncomfortable. I'm sick. Maybe I still have a fever. It's more than that. I've felt a little bit distant this week. I'm emotionally drained and I think it's because I've been in my own head a lot, trying to figure out what to do about a girl. what's bothering me more than anything right now is the isolation. I miss Cathy and she's only been gone a day. I miss my brother and wish that we could hang out like we used to. It was the freedom that we both had that made life so wonderful in the past. It was the abuse of that freedom that made life unbearable. We would cruise down the street in his old car and smoke cigarettes and talk about the places we'd go and the lives that we'd change. All I really want is a second chance at that freedom.

I had a dream last night that my roomate, Josh, my girlfriend, Cathy, and my brother, Cortland wanted to hang out with me, ALL AT THE SAME TIME! I hope this will actually happen someday because I think Cathy would love Cortland and I know Josh would get along with my brother because Josh kind of reminds me of scummy scene-fresh Cortland. In this dream I was laying in my hammock, wrapped up in my sleeping bag, when suddenly Josh, Cathy, and Cortland decided to go for a bike ride. I remember wanting to go but being way too comfortable to get out of my bag. Suddenly my hammock fell away, but I continued to float in my bag, on my back, four feet off the ground! I chased after them down the street, paddling at the air as if I were in a kayak.
This dream may sound silly and strange to you, but there was another part to this dream that really challenged me:
I was hanging out with Cortland (something that never happens anymore) and I was giving him a hard time about how he's been using his gift. I remember encouraging him to write more and use his gift to its fullest potential. Cortland replied, "what about you? what have you done with your gift? do you do all that you can to use your gift for good? are you a prisoner to your calling? MUSIC HAS CAPTURED YOU!"
I woke up and thought all day about what that meant. I wondered why it's so hard to devote yourself wholeheartedly to a task.

1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to one hope when you were called— 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all.

Ephesians 4:1-6

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